Introduction

Today, we're diving into a subject that every human faces at some point in their life: comparison and jealousy. Some people wrestle with it more than others, but we've all felt its weight, whether we like to admit it or not. These emotions can subtly creep into our hearts, robbing us of joy, peace, and even purpose.

Firstly, let's define the 'comparison' I'm talking about. In its healthy form, comparison can motivate and inspire us. We live in a world with standards, and comparison is a natural product of that. Imagine a world where pilots, surgeons, or home builders didn’t have standards—society would crumble. Similarly, consider someone raised by a neglectful mother. She will want to look to examples of a good, nurturing mother to know who she should become for her children. So, you can see that comparison is not always bad when we're aiming for good standards. It can motivate us, sharpen us, and call us to strive for higher. Iron sharpens iron.

However, we must use wisdom when comparing because an "inspiring comparison" is very different from a "condemning comparison." The condemning kind tells us that we're unworthy and breeds feelings of envy, jealousy, and bitterness.

In this article and podcast, this is the comparison we're talking about. And jealousy so often follows closely behind. That’s why it’s titled Comparison and Jealousy.

Scripture warns:

“But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.” - James 3:14-16 ESV.

Let’s break free from this trap by exploring five reasons why jealousy and comparison are rooted in lies and how we can confidently silence their grip when they try to creep in.

1. Your Call is Uniquely Yours

Have you ever known something to be true intellectually, but it took someone saying it in the right way, at the right time, for it to truly click? Maybe you've heard it countless times throughout your life, but finally, this knowledge rested in you and became revelation.

What amazes me about these moments is that they shine a light on the value of our differences. Our unique perspectives—shaped by our experiences, upbringing, and genetics—are not by accident. They exist for a purpose. You exist for a purpose.

You may feel a tug on your heart to pursue a certain path, passion, or career but catch yourself wondering: Does the world really need another of me? There is already an endless pool of information out there—what could I really bring? And that might be true. The world is a big place, and the internet is even bigger for finding information. But none of those others are you. Your voice, your presence, and your perspective can’t be found anywhere else. You might be the reason someone finds the courage to persevere in their job, a light in their dark season, or the source of exactly the right words at exactly the right time. Even when we can’t see where the puzzle pieces fit together, God does.

One of my favorite movies illustrates this beautifully: the classic Christmas film It’s a Wonderful Life. If you're not familiar, let me give you a quick recap...

The story follows George Bailey, a man who feels utterly defeated. He believes his life has been a failure, that nothing has gone according to plan—despite having a loving wife, four children, and a beautiful family. At his lowest point, an angel visits him and reveals all the ways George’s seemingly small, unnoticed actions had a profound and meaningful impact on the lives of others—impacts he never realized.

This story carries such a beautiful message for all of us: Our lives have meaning. Your life has meaning, and you are part of a divine plan whether you see it happening or not.

There’s also this important message: What matters more than accomplishing worldly achievements or checking off life’s “big goals” is the gifts we leave in people—eternal gifts like our kindness, sacrifices, and good choices. They create a ripple effect far beyond what we can see. George Bailey’s life was filled with sacrifices—moments where he put others ahead of himself. Those moments mattered, even if he didn’t see the full picture.

And the same is true for you. Your seemingly ordinary, everyday actions matter. God sees them, even if you don’t fully understand the whole picture.

So let’s walk with the knowledge that our past, struggles, experiences, and unique perspectives are no accident. You are here on purpose, for a purpose. When you truly know this, comparison and jealousy lose their power. They don’t stand a chance against the truth that you have a Creator who designed you as part of His divine plan.

2. Jealousy Has Consequences

“A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.” — Proverbs 14:30 ESV.

Where comparison lives, jealousy is never far behind, ready to take hold. Jealousy is such a loathsome, rotten emotion, isn’t it? At its root, jealousy stems from pride—the belief that someone else’s blessing or success should belong to us. And while jealousy is a natural human emotion, it’s something we must confront when felt, because left unchecked, jealousy can have ugly consequences.

We've all known people or stories where jealousy has been the root cause of division, pain, and even tragedy. History and Scripture are full of examples, going back to the very beginning in Genesis: Cain and Abel. Cain, consumed by jealousy, took his own brother’s life—not because Abel had wronged him, but because Abel had found favor with God.

What I find very interesting in Cain’s story is that he was warned. God told him plainly:

“Sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” — Genesis 4:7 ESV.

Cain’s downfall wasn’t immediate—it was a choice. He deliberately opened the door to come into agreement with sin. And this reminds me that we, too, face those moments of choice. Big, irrational actions rarely come out of nowhere. There will be warning signs, little nudges, and emotions calling our attention. That’s why it’s so important to be sensitive to our emotions and our hearts, because ignored feelings can fester and grow into something destructive. This is what the spirit of jealousy does—it causes people to do things completely outside of and against themselves, things they never imagined doing.

Cain and Abel’s story is an extreme example, but it reveals something about human nature: Jealousy has the power to destroy families, relationships, and even our own lives. And while we can't choose when emotions come to us, it is our responsibility to confront jealousy and rebuke it.

When you feel jealousy sting, don’t ignore it. Bring it to God in prayer. Ask Him for wisdom, for strength where you're weak, and for a pure heart. I believe this is exactly what God was asking Cain to do, but he chose differently. By leaning into God with enough persistence and faith, jealousy will lose its grip. It will fail to take root because God's goodness will triumph.

3. Comparison is Always a Losing Battle

Let’s get into the logistical side of why comparison is a waste of your time and energy: It’s never a fair fight. Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life helped highlight this truth for me. He has a chapter on comparison, where he explains how every human is shaped by countless unique factors—genetics, upbringing, culture, experiences, and opportunities—many of which we will never see or fully understand. Therefore, it’s nearly impossible to fairly compare yourself to someone else because you are infinitely different people. You will never truly know why someone is the way they are, just as you don’t fully know why you are the way you are! Even identical twins can’t fairly "compete" because genetics is only one small component in shaping who they are. So, comparison will always be a rigged game.

Second, anchoring your sense of worth next to others is fragile and draining. Let's consider someone who values themselves based on ranking: they’re the best golfer in their clubhouse, the greatest gymnast in their school, or the most talented artist in their circle. But then, they enter a room of people who are exceptionally skilled—the best in the city, country, or even the world. Suddenly, their ranking plummets, and if their self-worth is attached to it, so does their confidence. Sadly, many people abandon their pursuits and dreams when they find themselves surrounded by people who seem “better.” In their small town, they were the best, but in this big, talented city, they feel like just another face in the crowd. Their ego takes over, and they decide it's not worth pursuing. Yet, here’s the thing:

Nothing actually changed except the person they’re standing next to.

Do you see how arbitrary comparison is? If your passion still brings you joy and you're still improving day by day, then why does it matter where you stand on some ranking? That’s why Jordan Peterson’s second rule is one I so appreciate: Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today. This is the most fair, meaningful, and productive form of comparison.

You don’t need to worry about competing against someone who is infinitely different from you. All you need to focus on is becoming better than yesterday’s version of yourself. Isn't that freeing?

4. Not All That Glitters is Gold

From the outside, someone’s life might look perfect—the career, the house, the family—but you don’t know the battles they’re fighting behind closed doors. We see this all the time in Hollywood. People who appear to have it all often experience a very different reality. For a relevant example, look at the recent lawsuits in the Hollywood music industry involving a particular rapper. Nothing about these "parties" was glamorous or luxurious. There was a much darker, sinister, and even demonic reality taking place.

Comparison and jealousy can sometimes expose our desires—or misled desires. We must ask ourselves: Is what I’m envying truly valuable? Is fame, wealth, and surface-level success going to bring fulfillment, or is that just a deception?

Wisdom reminds us of this: not all that glitters is gold. The world’s version of success often looks very different from God’s version of success for you. Don’t fall into the allure of chasing after empty pursuits.

I’ll end with this quote by the evangelist Dwight Moody:

“Our greatest fear shouldn’t be of failing, but succeeding in something that is meaningless.”

5. Great Things Take Time

“Don’t compare your chapter one to someone else’s chapter twenty.”

I don’t know where you are in your journey, but remember this: the destination is the journey. Sometimes we go through wilderness seasons to prepare us for what God knows lies ahead. These are times of sharpening, molding, and refining—equipping us for what we're stepping into. After all, a pearl doesn’t become a pearl overnight.

Jealousy often creeps in during our moments of weakness, when life just feels unfair. Maybe you’ve poured your blood, sweat, and tears into a business, only to watch Rick down the road launch a start-up and become an overnight success. Or perhaps you’ve spent years struggling to conceive, and meanwhile, your friend—who wasn’t even thinking about motherhood—gets pregnant with ease. These moments can feel personal. You might find yourself crying out, Why, God? I’m a good, hardworking, caring person. What’s wrong with me that I can’t have these things too?

Shame often follows these unwanted emotions. But don’t stay in that place. Show yourself compassion. Bring your heartache and frustrations to God with humility and honesty. He already knows your heart, and He’s waiting for you with open arms. But whatever you do, guard your heart. Decisions made from a place of jealousy will never be your best or be aligned with truth. It’s never God's best for you.

Use these moments as an opportunity to lean in closer to God. Remember to walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7 ESV). Even when life feels slow and discouraging, trust that God is preparing something special for you.

Conclusion and Actionable Takeaways

I hope this message has encouraged you to silence the voice of comparison and rebuke any jealousy knocking at your door. Remind yourself of these five rebuttals: 

1. Your call is Uniquely Yours: You're here on purpose for a purpose!
2. Jealousy has Consequences: It ruins lives, steals and destroys.
3. Comparison is a Rigged Game: Instead, choose to become a better version of yourself.
4. Not all that Glitters is Gold: Question what you are envying.
5. Great Things Take Time: Trust in God's timing for your life.

Here are a few practical actions I want to leave you with:

1. Practice gratitude. I know we hear this all the time, but go beyond routine. Truly bask in God’s goodness. Intentionally consider the blessings in your life and thank Him throughout your day.

2. Prayer is powerful. When you experience unwanted emotions like jealousy, don’t ignore them. Pray for wisdom, strength, and ask God for a pure heart. I say this prayer daily: “Take out anything in my heart that is not of You.” Also, pray for the person triggering your jealousy. That simple act is a statement against coming into agreement with the spirit of envy.

3. Celebrate others. Don’t miss an opportunity to celebrate someone else’s success. Just because good things are happening for them, it doesn’t take anything away from you. That’s a lie. Say things like, “Wow, I love that for you! That’s so awesome!” without questioning your own blessings and journey. By celebrating them and praying for them, you are slamming the door on comparison and jealousy. As James 4:7 says, “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

Thank you so much for reading. Remember, no one is better at being you than you! Walk with the knowledge that you are part of a divine plan, and the ripest fruit is waiting for you in your own garden.

God bless! 

XO

Natalie Grace