Since you're here, I'll take a big guess that you're getting married so BIG congratulations! Wedding planning can be such a fun and exciting time, especially when you’re in the imagination phase. And when you are into the nitty-gritty details like menu picking and table planning, the joy is seeing your project come to life! 

My husband and I got married in July 2023 and now that it’s been almost a year, I feel like I have the breathing room to look back at my wedding with a fresh perspective. We had a beautiful wedding in Ireland and I'm incredibly grateful. But with any journey in life, there's things we learn along the way... I hope what I share brings you closer to experiencing your dream wedding with joy and ease.

1. Whatever You Do, Do it With Your Whole Heart

Wedding planning is full of decisions, as you will quickly realize when you begin this journey. And whatever you do, do it with your whole heart and own the decision. There's nothing worse than making a decision and then fretting about it, falling into the comparison trap, or inviting guilt to have a seat at the table (it’s not worth it!). We got married overseas which meant half of our guests travelled and while that decision was meaningful for us, I couldn't seem to shake this feeling of guilt. I will dive into this a little more later, but it would have saved a lot of headaches if I had just walked more confidently in this from the start. 

Everyone has an opinion, but they are not you. You are the ones investing a great amount of time, energy, and money into this event. It’s a massive disservice to you as a couple to let insecurity and doubt become a theme. Maybe for you, it’s a matter of inviting certain relatives or who to have in your bridal party. When you’re coming to a conclusion, then fine. It’s natural to question things as you weigh out decisions… But once you commit to a plan, stand by it proudly and move forward with confidence! 

Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. - 1 Corinthians

2. Prioritize Meaning over Pride and Shiny Things

When it comes to weddings, there's no limit on what can do and spend. Except no one’s budget is limitless. Even those with a seemingly inexistent budget have a limit. The best way to protect yourself from the endless allure of the wedding world is to establish your priorities early. Create a blueprint of what’s most meaningful to you and every wedding choice can be measured against it. This will help you avoid looking back and thinking, how in the world did we ever agree to spend this much on flowers? (Or insert thing). Well, Pinterest, social media and magazines are quite effective!!  

The truth is, we can all become victims of shiny things and lose site of what's important. And trust me, I get it. Once we start planning, our wedding becomes like a personal art project that we just want the very best for...But be aware that sometimes things in the moment are not as important and essential when we look back. Our vision can get clouded. 

A helpful question to ask is, will this make a difference when we look back at our wedding in 5 years? If the answer is probably not, consider setting it aside for now. Knowing what’s meaningful will keep you focused on creating the best memories possible, while maintaining your peace (and likely your bank account) when it’s all over. 

3. Think Outside the Box and Look Beyond Social Media 

A clear theme of my advice is being as economical as possible, and I imagine that is many of you reading too. When I started looking for suppliers such as a photographer, makeup artist and videographer, I began my search on Instagram because it’s fantastic for finding local businesses. I found loads of accounts but after sending inquires, I was a little discouraged. Most quotes were much higher than I anticipated. We ended up sourcing most suppliers through other avenues and I'm so glad we did. While instagram is a wonderful way to find businesses, we typically find the accounts with the highest social media presence who can charge higher prices. It doesn’t mean for you, it’s the price range you have to accept or that’s all that’s out there. It might just require a little more time and research.

There's excellent professionals who don't devote as much time to social media, and are well qualified for the job. We found our photographer, videograpaher, band and florist through wedding conventions and word of mouth. Most of them were a fraction of the price I received from the instagram accounts. For example, our videographer had about 20 years of experience in weddings, and his instagram account has less than 400 followers. He was exceptional. This was a similar story with our photographer and florist. 

Another personal example of taking an outside-the-box route is when we needed another hair dresser for my seven bridesmaids. I called the local hair salon and asked if a hair dresser could come to our venue, saving us nearly $400 compared to hiring a bridal hair stylist. Because one more tip: wedding anything costs maybe 30-50% more. So you might find a non-wedding supplier, who is more than qualified to do the job without compromising quality. 

Finally, when you're sending inquires, consider saying upfront "this is my budget. Is there anything you can do?" Or, "Do you know someone better suited for my budget?" They might make a compromise or direct you to someone they know. All of these little things added up made a substancial impact in the total cost of our wedding. 

4. Get a Wedding Video

I wanted to avoid telling people specifics on what to do and not do in this blog, because you have to decide what’s meaningful for you. I will say though, that the day is a blur, and there’s something really special about a video to look back on. When we watched our video, I felt like I could experience the day more fully again, and especially the speeches. It's easy to get distracted in the moment, and in many ways, hosting a wedding feels like a performance. It wasn't until I watched the video on my own time that those special moments and the words being spoken could truly sink in. It was also wonderful to see those moments we couldn’t be there for. A video just takes you there in a way photos can’t. 

I'll finish this point by saying that I watched my parents wedding video recently. It was amazing to see my parents 30 years ago, walking down the aisle with their family and close friends all before their lives unfolded with us kids. There are also people in that video that are no longer physically here, and while that was sad to see, it made the video that much more precious. It doesn't need to be very fancy either...No one needs a Taylor Swift music video! You just want someone who can take you back there when it's all over. 

5. More Expensive Does Not Always = Better

You get what you pay for is universal understanding. We expect that paying more equates to better quality, better service, a better experience. While it's often true, it's also often not true. Sometimes more expensive simply means a higher price tag for reasons that won’t necessarily benefit you or your wedding.

I'll share the story of my wedding dress. I visited about seven stores which means I tried nearly twenty dresses. My dress ended up coming from a budget bridal store that was a stark contrast to the fancy boutiques I had been to in Toronto. It was brand new, ready in two weeks (not seven months!), and I paid $1200 compared to the $4000 dress I considering, which I liked less. The bridal consultant was beyond skilled at her job and I only tried my dress because of her! 

Another consideration: sometimes financial constraints can inspire more thought, creativity and love into the project. Sarah Ban Brethnach says in Simple Abundance, “Love knows that whatever you lack in your checking account can be made up by investing time, creative energy and emotions. We need to know love’s decorating secrets.”

So maybe you don't have the budget for that dress or for the supplier you really want. However, this inspires you to invest more time, love and creativity in this area. For example, to compensate for our photographer having no prior experience at our venue, I found as many wedding photos at our venue as possible (largely using the location tag on Instagram) and created a thoughtful inspiration album for him. This actually really helped me understand the style of photos I wanted. My detailed directions meant he was absolutely clear on the day, and the photos turned out brilliant. 

Sometimes paying more has to happen. There's no point denying that. But never assume that because you have financial limitations, or the price is lower on something, that your experience will be less than. It might take more effort on your part, but sometimes, things work out for the better this way. 

Love knows that whatever you lack in your checking account can be made up by investing time, creative energy and emotions. We need to know love’s decorating secrets. —Sarah Ban Brethnach, Simple Abundance

6. Be Helpful but Don't People Please

There's a fine line between being helpful and a people pleaser...If you are a people pleaser, throwing a wedding will test you! In fact, it’s the perfect personal development assignment. You need to put up your armour against caring so much what others say and think! 

For us, having an international wedding came with some tough conversations. Even though the feedback was overwhelmingly positive, we had to grapple with people not coming because of travel, the financial burden, time off work...There was enough compelling reasons for us to say forget it, and opt for a small ceremony and celebration later on. But it wasn't what we wanted. In the end, i'm proud we stuck with our decision because I also can't count the number of people who thanked us for this wonderful opportunity to experience Ireland and have this special holiday. 

The other thing about people pleasing is it often doesn't help you or the people you think you're trying to help. Here's another personal example of my bridesmaids dresses. I was concerned about making anyone uncomfortable by wearing a certain dress, certain material, or buying a dress that was not at their price point. Therefore, I provided a shade range and asked the girls to choose their own dress. Now the turnout was beautiful and they did an amazing job, but in the end, it wasn't easier for them. I think the uncertainty and worry of picking the right dress stressed them out more, which was apparent after learning my one bridesmaid bought and returned five dresses! In the end, I would have done them a favour if I worried less about pleasing everyone perfectly and picked a darn dress...or at least a brand... I'm sure it would have been a welcome relief... Anyways, I'm so sorry girls for all the hassle. You are amazing!! 

No one is saying not to care. As the bride and groom, it's curtesy and etiquette to give your time, provide resources and help people navigate your wedding. But this shouldn't mean uprooting your plans, especially the ones that are meaningful. And if you do change your mind, search your heart to make sure it's coming from the right place. 

7. Receive the Love!

These final words only came to me while filming so it's a spontaneous addition to number six but feels worthy of it's own point... Something I realized when I began attending my friends wedding events is people want you to have a good time. It sounds so obvious and needless to say, but it's the truth...People want you to enjoy your wedding and receive the love. They don’t want you to bend over backwards and feel uncomfortable or anxious... At least the people who love you feel this way, and hopefully that is most people attending your wedding! So if there’s something I wish I could go back and tell myself, it is to just freaking relax...Receive the love and embrace these sweet, special times that you will truly never get again, in this way. 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. —Philippeans 4:8

Conclusion

If you've made it this far, I wish you the very best through your wedding journey. But more importantly, I wish you a beautiful, fulfilling and life giving marriage! Remember, your wedding is the beginning of your marriage and no one else's. Stay true to yourselves while honouring one another, and let your wedding be the start of your very best adventure yet! 

Xo

Natalie Grace